When Rejection hits.

It was already late that Friday night and the rain was falling so hard. The words you said still linger in my ears as I try to replay on my mind how I invited you for dinner, hoping to spend an hour with you.

I checked my watched, it was nearly 10 pm. I decided to shut down my laptop and pack my things to go home.

I hailed the first taxi that was in sight.

SM Manila?” I said.

The driver mumbled some words which I understood as dismissing the idea of giving me a ride when he learned where I wanted to go.

I was closing the taxi’s door when I saw a second taxi just meters away from the first.

SM Manila?” I said again.

But just like the first, the driver murmured some words which sounded like he was disregarding the idea of giving me a ride home.

After a few minutes of waiting under the rain, a third taxi is heading my way and I was wishing this is the cab I am waiting for. But my hopes faded away when it suddenly made a sharp right turn at the corner where I was standing.

The sight of the fourth, fifth, and sixth taxi was blurry to me as I was already teary-eyed. The rain fell harder and I was already wet, soaked in rain water.

“Why is it so difficult to get a ride home?” I gasped.

I then remembered the way you dismissed my invitation for dinner just a while ago. I recalled the many times you disregarded my movie invites. I was reminded of the way you declined most, if not all, of my request of us spending time together.

I realized that you we’re not so different from the taxi cabs that just passed me by.

As the rain continue to pour down so hard, a figure of a taxi formed into sight. I waved my hand desperately while whispering a little prayer, “Please bring me home.”

The taxi stopped right in front of me. I inhaled deeply, opened the door and asked, “SM Manila?“.

 

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Kismet’s Year.

Only You’s Jonathan is letting go of his feelings for Jillian. Tayong Dalawa’s Dave is giving Audrey her freedom. SNN’s presentation is all about Cory.

I just realized that all of these were goodbyes and letting go moments. Much like what I shall be doing today.

It is exactly one year since the first time I showed interest in you. You made me the happiest when you let me walk you home after our sumptuous dinner.

Four quarters have passed since the first time I adjusted my lifestyle to include you. Twelve months of toil and sacrifice to follow your whims have gone by. Seeing you smile makes it all worth it. Fifty-two weeks of silently wishing you reciprocate how I feel. My heart beats faster when you look at me, only to realize that you do not perceive me that way I see you. Three hundred and sixty five days have passed of being with you and waiting for you.

And I think I am holding long enough.

I hope that I would wake up one day and my first thoughts will not be of you anymore. I look forward to seeing you in the eye again, but this time, I will see nothing but friendship. I wish to meet you someday and realize that my fondness and affection already withered through time.

Years from now, I will walk down memory lane and reminisce. I will just content myself by the fact that I met you, I cherished you, and I loved you.

I thought I have found my Kismet… but Kismet didn’t find me.

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Musings.

Hindi naman ako attracted sa iyo nung una kitang makilala. Pero nalaman ko na madami tayong pagkakapareho. Mga jokes na tinatawan ko, nakakaaliw para sa iyo. Mga kagaguhan ko, pinapatulan mo. Mga kalokohan mo, swak na swak sa panlasa ko.

Minsan naiisip ko, di kaya ikaw na yung inaasam kong sabihan ng…

“Mahal kita.”

Hindi mo pa ba napapansin na gustong gusto kita? Hindi mo ba naisip na hindi kita pag-aaksayahan ng panahon kung wala kang lugar sa puso ko? Hindi mo ba ramdam na trip na trip kitang i-kiss sabay hug kapag nagkikita tayo?

Minsan napapaisip ako, slow ka lang ba talaga? O sadyang di mo ma-gets yung sinasabi ko na…

“Mahal kita.”

Sa tuwing nalulungkot ka, at kinukwento mo sa akin ang dahilan, tapik lang sa balikat mo ang nagagawa ko. Sa tuwing itetext kita ng ‘Good Morning’ at ‘Good Night’, smiley lang ang naidudugtong ko. Sa tuwing bababa ka sa saksakyan kapag magkasabay tayo pauwi, kaway lang sa iyo ang naipapabaon ko.

Minsan iniisip ko, bitin kasi yung tapik, smiley at kaway. Sana madugtungan ko ng mga salitang…

“Mahal kita.”

Tuwing nagkakaroon ako ng pagkakataon, napuputol yata ang dila ko. Tuwing nandyan na yung tamang timing, dinadaga naman ang dibdib ko. Tuwing may chance na nagpiprisinta, natotorpe naman ako!

Kaya sa akin na lang muna ang mga katagang “Mahal kita.

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The happiest me.

I am happiest when I am with you.

Only when we get together do I find myself smiling, giggling, laughing like kids do.

Though it was not like the feeling I had when we were together snuggling on your bed nor like the peace of mind I experienced the time I closed my eyes, seeing you sleeping beside me; not even the joy you brought me when I woke up in the morning seeing you first thing the moment I opened my eyes.

Still, I am the happiest.

Few are the moments when we now get together.Rare are the times when I see you close enough.
Odd are the instances that i see you smile at me, again.

Way back months ago, things were running smoothly between us. Until I broke everything good between us by giving color and meaning to what we have.

Since then, you distanced yourself from me. Convoluted as I was, I tried to reach you for answers to questions lingering in my mind, but, to no avail.

What I miss the most about you?

Its the way you smile whenever you pass by me. Its the way you look into my eyes when I talk to you. Its the way you tell your stories during our meetups. And the way my hand fits yours.

I really miss the way things were, between us.

And so now, every chance I get, I take pictures. I try to capture those moments of you and me together. Because it is only through these, that we can be “us”.

And only through those moments, that I am my happiest.

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