Square One.

The last time I saw that smile of yours was 3 years ago. 
But things changed since then. 

All because I fell for you. 

It wasn’t love at first sight. But it hit me so deep, I always looked forward to every connivance the universe did for us to meet, work together, laugh together,  anything just to be together.
I came to the point that my day wouldn’t be complete without at least receiving a “hi” or at least a smiley from you, when opportunities to be with you seemed scarce.

When I had the courage to tell you the affection I had for you, we started to drift apart. You started to avoid me. You didn’t want me more than a friend. 

You thought it is just proper to at least restrain the ties that we have. 
Since then, I lost the chance to see that winsome smile that caught my heart. 

I tried so many times to win you back. But you kept me outside your world most of the times. 

And  so, I let you be. 

Its difficult being ignored, since I experienced happy moments with you. 
Its hard accepting I was insignificant  to someone I had valued dearly. 
Its challenging to manage a smile and pretend everything is okay, when inside I am deeply in pain and hurting. 

I saw that smile again today. 
And I am glad I was able to bring that smile back into your face. 
It seemed like I am transported back to the first day I first met you. 

Now that we are back to square one, the much wiser me will now carry on.


ed’s note:

I write things when I am ready to share them to the world. 
Now, that we are much older and wiser, I realized the things and people we want in our lives aren’t always the things and people we need to live. 
Rekindling this friendship took me years, so I will never do anything detrimental to sever it again. 

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It’s been a while since I last scribbled down my thoughts on things. Since the time I reacquainted myself to capturing moments and freezing time, I seldom use words to convey my feelings. 

I am trying to recall why I started writing years back… and I can only think of one thing–so that I will have something to go back to and read when the time comes that even my name I can no longer recall.

Today, as we start a new year together, I am writing something to remind me of our story.

Some months back, I started to write to my #DearStranger, I wrote a record of my daily life and my fervor wish to share it with You–an unnamed person that I know I am one day closer to meeting.

That stranger I had been waiting for finally came into my life, and that is you. 

I started this journey with you with a promise that we will take it one day at a time. 
As I try to recall the year that was, we managed to pass through different challenges that came our way– time zone differences, financial constraints, peer pressure, overwhelming workloads and some miscommunication and misunderstandings. 

I know we will still encounter challenges this year, but  whatever it is that we will be going through, as long as we are together holding hand supporting each other, I know we will survive with His guidance and blessings. 

The day I found you is the day I found my place under the sun. 
The time you said yes, is the time I told myself my life has began.   
The moment your lips touched mine is the moment when I saw fireworks in the sky.

Happy New Year.
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Meet #SuperEd. 

I was hoping to buy this toy online when I first got here, but unfortunately my card exceeded the limit.

And so for the past two weeks, I got on with my routine –hotel, work, hotel. 

Just today, from a hectic day at work, adding that gloomy weather of “Fall-going-to-Winter”, when all the leaves have fallen and the temperature gets colder each passing day, it is surprising to know that I got a package waiting for me at the front desk. 

I got the bulky package, and its from @jayronan. (http://web.stagram.com/n/jayronan/)

I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to  spend the weekend on the eve of Halloween at NYC , but  I was not able to because of the early snow. The plane I was in re-routed to Detroit instead of NYC, and I missed the chance to see IG friends @jayronan, @m3nchu, @hawttamale,  @knightrn, @divamom, @eks05 and @ka_tiu.

As I reached my hotel room, I slowly unpacked the box.  I had goosebumps when I saw what is in the package.  I was already teary-eyed as I brought out #SuperEd–the toy I dreamt of buying which is now right in front of me. 

Truly, God has His ways of making things possible. We may not be able to comprehend His ways and means, but I can attest that He provides us the things we need, in His proper time. 
Thanks much for making this happiest day yet in my stay here in the US @jayronan.

God bless! 

ed’s Note:

Truly, God has an awesome sense of humor. He didn’t give me the toy I was wishing to have, instead He provided me with a friend. 
And that friend, surprised me with this toy.
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Still Life.


“I am not comfortable with you capturing moments of me.”
It didn’t interest me to know the technicalities before, but as I was going through each Saturday attending photography workshop, I came to realize the following why people take pictures:
  • Because 24 still words per second can never create the magic of 24 frames per second.
  • Because a thousand words need to be written.
  • Because life can only be picture-perfect, never word-perfect.
  • Because “say cheese” or “smile please” gives us hope that not all is lost in this big, bad world.
  • Because we need posters on our walls to tell people who we are.
  • Because walls are white, ugly and need some life.
  • Because life is a picture taken by a camera called time. And it has a very quick shutter.
  • Because this post might never have been needed if there were pictures in the first place.
  • And lastly, because I don’t trust my memory.

I wanted to capture perspectives and moments that I might miss or forget when I grow older. I take candid shots because it records the gamut of feelings written on your face. By simply capturing you, it will help me come back to that moment when I felt such emotions and feelings that you alone can make me feel.


After learning the basics, I am now ready to capture your moments in time because I know once a moment passes, it’s gone forever. Your photos shall serve as portals of my time machine.


I learned the art of capturing good shots of you, but what I didn’t realize is that you don’t want to be captured in a frame in the first place.
ed’s note:
I am fighting against Time by freezing our moments together. I can only do that by capturing you and me in a frame.
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Footprints in my Heart.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the
~Flavia Weedn, Forever
I would always be proud that I had the chance to work with you. I wouldn’t be Superman if not for people like you who believed in me and the things I can do. Our ‘awesome team’ will always be my dream team.
Right from the start, I knew you were different. I may have not told you this, but you served as my inspiration career wise. You showed me that “for richer or for poorer, in sickness or in health”, you never falter. If I could have a Lois Lane in my career, that would be you.
During our bonding moments with the gang, I learned that you were never different from me. Your weaknesses are some of my own ‘Kryptonites’. Your ideals and aspirations are of the same wavelengths as mine. But what’s peculiar with us, is the way you remind me of ‘Lex Luthor’. I see your eyes gleaming and your smile beaming as you enjoy detailing your story of not-so-good things that you happen to watch or see for yourself. Having you share these train of thoughts makes our friendship one of a kind.
Best Friend,
You are Superman’s fortress. Words do not suffice to express my deepest gratitude for always being my iron grip to the things we believe in. You just do not know I am lucky to have you. We have passed the test of time and friendship in the many obstacles that came our way, and I know this parting will just prove even more that we are stronger and better than the trials we meet along the way.
– ed’s note:
You came and I was never the same. I wouldn’t be who I am now, if not for you and the things and teachings you brought
into my life. You will always be cherished.
– Superman
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I was blind temporarily last night. And it scared the hell out of me.
Late in the evening, after a nerve-racking day at work, I hit the treadmill for half an hour to get the stress—physical, emotional, and psychological—out of me.
But I was irritated when I suddenly felt the need to scratch my skin because it turned itchy. I sat down to cool myself as I was already catching my breath, but the itch spread all over my sweaty body. I looked for my medicine, but I realized I left it at home. I took it as a sign to hail a taxi ride.
As the streetlights along the way home slowly blurs through my vision, I got scared of what might happen to me. What if I lose my sight?
Will I still ever see again your eyes that had always captured my heart or the lips I longed to kiss tenderly?
Will I still have the chance to glance at your once-in-a-blue moon smile that makes me fall further for you?
Will you still consider being with me, knowing I will not be able to be your eyes anymore when we grow old together?
I asked the cab driver to dial my brother’s number to just fetch me at SM Manila. He came rushing towards the taxi where I am. He saw me swelling in my gym attire, with my eyes blood red. He grasped my hand and guided me home. After an hour or so, my normal gaze was restored slowly.
As I closed my eyes last night, I was silently praying that I wake up today with a clear sight.
I still have to gather the courage to tell you how beautiful you are in my eyes.
I have yet to tell you that I wish it is your face I see every time I wake up in the morning.
I long to see your eyes, lips, smile and face beaming true happiness, even without me.
Here I am writing this, because though I can clearly see and write the things that I wanted to show and tell you, I have yet to muster the courage to say them.
– ed’s note:
“But the eyes are blind. One must look with the heart…”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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The Dagger.

I love you.

Ed, I have something to tell you: I gave that word to another person already. I can’t get it back.
No problem. I didn’t ask that you give those to me. You should give it freely to whoever you feel like giving it to.
Exactly. I wish you happiness. Thanks for the love though.
I gave it freely to you. No need to thank me.
Sincerely, thank you. I can feel the love.
I hope you find the happiness you were looking for.
You, too. I did already find happiness but not with you.
Thank you for being frank. I appreciate the honesty.
Life is short. Enjoy life. Open your heart to someone else.
I will, hopefully really soon.
I hope so, were getting old remember that.
I do.
Learn from your mistakes, from the past relationships, from me.
Thank you for telling me this early. I plan to go to you, next year. At least now, I can revert back that plan and start my life without you.
-ed’s note: I called to personally greet you for our second monthsary. It was supposed to be a happy call, much like our early Sunday Skype calls. But as I hear your voice on the line telling me the words I didn’t want to hear from you, the pain pierced through me like a double-edged dagger killing me instantly.
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Final Use Case.

As a Requirements Analyst, it is my responsibility to gather, elicit, analyze, document and validate the needs of the project stakeholders. As the principal conduit through which requirements flow between the client and the software development team, I play a central role in collecting and disseminating product information. This product information is usually presented in use cases.

I am writing this use case as my tribute to a team whom I have worked with for more or less 9 months. To the ATI team, thank you for the chance to work with you. I have been given an opportunity to grow. But please know that all the lessons I have learned through working with you shall serve as my guide in this new challenge I am going to take.

Use Case: UC-ME-OUT- Reminisce Experience
Description: Use case that describes Ed’s experience with ATI Team.
Business Rules:
Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn, Forever
Actors: PM, RA, DEV, TEST, SM
Preconditions: ERI was bought by ATI. Team requests for an RA.
Trigger: RA Edgar joins ATI Project Team
Normal Flow:
  1. RA Ed joins Team.
  2. Team starts initiation and requirements phase with PM Maebel.
  3. ATI freezes Team activities.
  4. Team restarted SDLC activities with PM Rach.
  5. Team delivers build on Christmas Eve.
  6. ATI tests build drop.
  7. PM Raprap joins Team in New Year.
  9. ATI requests 3 changes to build drop.
  10. Team addresses change requests.
  11. PM Raprap and RA Ed joins I/F Team.
  12. Team works harmoniously and resolves 911 issues promptly.
  13. ATI gives new project, CAA.
  14. PM Raprap and RA Edgar works for the initiation and requirements phase of CAA.
  15. Management decides reshuffling.
  16. RA Edgar and RA JP performs transition work.
  17. RA JP joins Team.
Post Condition:RA Ed leaves ATI Team

Alternate Flow:

A missed requirement was seen. (From Normal Flow 5.)

  1. Team resolves issue with SM Angela, COO Badong and PM Claire.
  2. PM Rach is promoted as PD.
  3. Proceed to Normal Flow 6.
Alert Messages:
[M001] Thank you for the chance to work with you.
[M002] Thank you for the good times and bad times.
[M003] Thank you for the friendship.
Assumption and Limitation: This shall be the last use case written by RA Ed for the ATI team.
Note: RA Ed bids farewell with his usual opening greetings: “HAPPY DAY”.
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RX (Risky eXploit)

I shall be reassigned to a new project and new team. I will assume the position of a fellow employee and on the other hand, he gets my work load. I called this the RX, the R.A. eXhange.


I was shocked, and in denial after the news has been spilled out to me.

I had psyched myself to staying longer in the project I am working now. I had enjoyed working harmoniously with my teammates. I have fun doing my job, though not stress free, but with much passion and delight.

And in three weeks time, all of these will be gone.*snif*

Load of Emotions Exposed.
I cried my heart out to a friend and I felt relieved.
I am crying cause I dont know what’s next. I dont know whats the plan. I fear the unknown.

Its okay to cry. But cry to let go, not to hold on.

I am being irrational again.

Irrational because?
Irrational because I am trying to question the switch of position, when in fact I know the answer.
Irrational because I am to trying to fathom the reason why it has to be now, not earlier or later?
Irrational because I am trying to dig deeper into the wisdom of gambling and taking great risks in this exchange of workload.

And what would the answer be?
That somehow, I might add a new blood to the team.

And bring about improvement, right? For what is the worth of a hero if he can’t help those who needs saving.
I am not a hero. That adds to the pressure. I welcome the change, yes. But to save the needy? Thats a team effort. Not the work of a single man.

What if you are part of the whole that will stir up the improvement? And that doubts just lessens the boost needed? Courage is not the opposite of fear, it is faith. So have Faith.
FAITH. Find Assurance in Trusting Him.

The words that I give out are the same words that I am giving myself.


After deep thoughts, I came to realize that change is inevitable. People come and go. And so do things that are given to us. So give your best shot always and while you do, enjoy doing it.

As for me, I’m bracing myself to explore an unknown territory.

May the Force be with me.*gulp*
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